There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pants are for mortals
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