Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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