I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize