How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
