i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
