She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
