i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
