I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
