Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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