Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
