you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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