i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
