Do you still have your period?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize