Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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