She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
