...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
