I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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