dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
