We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
