That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my shit smells like andre
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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