Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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