you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
