remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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