Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
