I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
