we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
