So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
