It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
