??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
