Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
