someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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