oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
