I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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