oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
