I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
