By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
