She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
