Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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