Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
