I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
