By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
