...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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