If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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