What a fucking waste of an outfit
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
