I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
