I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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