Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
