woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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