Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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