The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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