Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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