Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
