Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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