***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
MIDGETS
????
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
