Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
