i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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