idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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