dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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