You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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