He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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