Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
