her vagine was all disorganized.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
