please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
