I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
