the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
