All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
