if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
