is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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