We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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