i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
